So, this post is going to be completely different than the previous two. But, it's my blog...so I'm allowed. :D
I just wanted to share a little bit of what's been going on with me in my Spirit and my heart. The first posts I did on hear were really me preaching to me. Our Pastor often tells us that the sermons he preaches are for himself just as much if not more than us.
Lately I've been feeling kinda defeated. Kind of like I'm going no where. I have these dreams and aspirations of things that I really want to do with my life, but I just don't know where or how to start or if they're even worthy. For example, I really, REALLY want to do something with music. Maybe make an album. But where do you start? I'm not looking to 'be discovered' or anything. I really just want to get our music out there, and maybe be able to help someone through it. But then I ask is the music we've written good enough? Is it crap? Do people say it's good just to be nice? I know I'm not awesome at music, but I have a passion for it and I really feel God's calling for us in that area. So, where God guides He provides. I lead worship at my Church House, but sometimes I wonder if I'm even doing that right.
It's like I'm content in my life but I'm still striving for more. I have a hunger for something greater. Is that bad? I am so thankful for what I have right in this moment, but I am still looking forward to the day when we've reached the greater. I may or may not be making any sense right now, but if you're reading this you probably already know me and know that I do that often. lol Like, Matt and I are so grateful for the place we have to live right now, but man are we looking forward to having a house! A kitchen where more than one person can be in at a time and the ability to open windows and let the air in! Ah, the joy of window opening!!
And then there is the ever present "will we ever have a baby?" question. I do not base my happiness and fulfillment upon having children or not, but, I would be lying if I said I don't desire to be a Mommy. I see my friends having babies and I rejoice for them, but inside there is always this little tinge of wishful thinking that it was me. I know that God's plans are greater and better than mine, so hold on I shall. And even if Matt and I are never blessed with our own children, that's okay. God loves us and desires only what is best for us and He's a lot smarter than we are!
So much has been going through my mind lately so forgive me if I just rambled on. I just really want to thrive.
Maybe in a year or two from now, you will have another blog saying how far God has taken and the dreams he has helped fulill, along with the many other visions he has since now planted in you.
ReplyDeleteI didn't take this as just "rambling". I feel some of the same things you do Sara. ESPECIALLY about having children. I think a lot about my life...where I have been and how I got to where I am now. I can't help but think how I have had a hand in two...TWO marriages ending, and yet, I can't help but remember this: every I have been, everything I have done, everything I have said, my actions: God has been there right along with me. I understand your frustrations and I know that you know God is always there with you. I just wanted to tell you again! Love you chica! And I can't wait to see the new house God has for you two!!
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