The list.....badababummm!

Hola! Today I started my day with a list. Probably your usual kind of list. It has things like do dishes, clean up, organize crafts, exercise and so on. But there is one other thing on that list that is the most important, but it's the one I seem to have the hardest time doing - read Bible and pray. Man. Is it horrible that I have to put that on a list? I love God and I want to spend time with Him and learning about Him, but somehow He's the one who always gets at the bottom of the list. 


See, reading my Bible and praying wasn't always something I've struggled with, but now it seems it's more of a struggle, a fight. I'm reminded of what Brother Paul wrote in I Timothy 6:12 "Fight the good fight of faith; take hold of the eternal life to which you were called, and you made the good confession in the presence of many witnesses." So is part of the good fight of faith reading the Bible and praying? Yes! I believe so. There are so many things clamoring for my attention, that I have to "fight the good fight" and choose what side will win.

Just because we are Christian doesn't mean that things come naturally to us. It really is a fight. We are constantly bombarded with other things that are striving to take up all our time and effort. Cleaning the house, making dinner, work, spending time with family ect. All of those things are very important, yes. But if the house isn't spotless will that affect your eternity? I mean, what is more important - spotless house or your relationship with God? Too often we let these things, and sometimes we even let people, take precedence over our Creator and that is where the real fight is. 


Now I'm not saying that we should be reading the Bible 24/7 and ignore our responsibilities and never do anything else. No. We have things that we must do on this earth and I believe God has called us to be faithful in all things. What I am saying is if you really want something, you will make time for it. So do you want, do I want, a better relationship with God? Do I want to obey His word and commands? Then I can, and must, make time for Him and make Him my number one priority and when He is number one all other things will fall into place. The house will get cleaned, the jobs done, time spent with the family. God has a way of making time seem to stretch when we put Him first. And you know, if our relationship with God isn't good, our relationship with others wont be either.

So today my number one goal is to spend time with my God. Even if the dishes keep being piled up, the floors unvacuumed and dinner late, God is my goal. Today I WILL fight the good fight, and I will be victorious!

So today I hope you put God first above all other things, because He has put you first. ♥

I know my Alphabet. :)

I saw this on my cousin Buffy's blog here - http://passionatedesign.blogspot.com/2011/06/from-to-z-youll-learn-more-about-me.html - and I thought I'd give it a whack! Here we go!!!!!!

A. Age: 26. Still young baby!!!

B. Bed size: Full

C. Chore that you hate: Dishes. How I loathe them.

D. Dogs: None, not planning on getting one either.

E. Essential start to your day: I have to have some snuggle time with my man. Then I go tinkle. :)

F. Favorite color: I enjoy many colors, but blue/green seems to be my favorite right now.

G. Gold or Silver: Silver. I do like white and platinum gold though.

H. Height: 5' 1.2" Never leave out that half inch. NEVER!!!

I. Instruments you play: Piano and Kazoo. I can jam it out on a Kazoo buddy!

J. Job title: None. I'm titleless.

K. Kids: None...yet!!!

L. Live: Yes I live. Oh where? Oh...Michigan. Power to the snow!

M. Mother’s name: Kate

N. Nicknames: Lots. It seems people like to nickname me. Sara Bara, Saree, Sven, Bertha, Cooter. Way too many to continue on with.

O. Overnight hospital stays: In the ER, yes.

P. Pet peeve: Loud chewing.

Q. Quote from a movie: "My heart is and always will be....yours" - Sense and Sensibility.

R. Right or left handed: Right

S. Siblings: Yep! Brothers and Sisters, all older.

T. Time you wake up: Whenever I awaken.

U. Underwear: None! hahahahaha Ummm, just normal undies.

V. Vegetable you hate: Beets. Blach.

W. What makes you run late: Myself and Matthew.

X. X-Rays you’ve had: Teeth, Chest and Abdomen.

Y. Yummy food that you make: Black Magic Cake. Best chocolate cake ever.

Z. Zoo animal: White Tigers

Well, that was fun. If you have a blog give this a try. If not, feel free to leave it in the comments. Although, that's gonna be a long comment, but I'm okay with it.

Thoughts I've thunk.

Thunk. I like that word. It's fun! Anyways, I've been thinking of some things lately and here are the things I've thunked. lol 

I'd like to learn how to sew and knit. I saw some really cool patterns for bags that I really want, but I need to know how to sew a lot more than I can now. Basically I can sew on a button....sorta. So, I'd like to expand on that 'skill' of mine. And then I'd really like to know how to knit! I think it would be cool to just sit down, pop in a movie and knit away! I could make scarves, sweaters, hats, gloves, undies! Well, maybe not undies. That may be a tiddle to itchie. 

Next thought! I really want a flip cam. Why you ask (or didn't, but I'ma gonna tell you anyways)? Matthew and I are wanting to start up a new YouTube channel and it would be totally awesome if we had a better camera. We are going to try and put up a video each Friday and they will be Matthew playing the guitar and me singing! So creative, huh? lol We'll do some cover songs and then some songs of our own. Basically we want to sing and glorify Jesus and use our gifts for Him! We're still trying to think of a name for that channel too. 

Even more thoughtness! This one is a little bit more serious. I really, really, really, really, REALLY need to amp up my game in losing weight! The truth is I like food and I'm lazy. Not a real good combo. I've gotta find an exercise that I actually enjoy doing. I feel so much better after I exercise, but it's just getting to exercise that is the struggle! Grrr. With my gallbladder being all evil to me I have actually lost weight because I've been on a extremely low fat to no fat diet. But, I'm really looking forward to being able to eat food again. Applesauce and Jello get old real fast. But, at least I have food to eat and for that I'm thankful!

Next thought. I've been thinking lately about Matthew and I's 10th Wedding Anniversary. Now, it wont be here till 2013, but I'm still planning things out for it now. We are going to renew our vows and have a little ceremony, but what we really would like to do is have a ceremony with Matthews family. They weren't able to attend our actual Wedding, so we have always wanted to do a ceremony with them. A trip to Aussie or New Zealand would be a nice Anniversary gift to ourselves. 

Last thought (I think). I use exclamation points and "lol" way too often. But, I'm probably not gonna stop!

Last thought (I was mistaken above. Don't hate me.) I really like hamsters. They're adorable and I want one!

Thanks for checking in on my little blog. If you read my past posts it probably seems like I'm bipolar. I'm not......just human.

And here is a song that is stuck in my head!

Friends.

I haven't wrote in this blog for ages. I really don't know why. I guess cause I have nothing interesting to say. But, I have something to say now. Really, just something I've been thinking of for a long time and feeling.

Friends. Sometimes I wonder if having them is even worth it.

I'm not saying that I've always been the best of friend, and that I've never done wrong. Believe me, I know just how bad of a friend I have been before and I've done things that I'm ashamed of. One thing I can say for myself is that I always apologize for any hurt that I may have caused, if it be knowingly or unknowingly.

It seems to me like life would be so much easier, and so much more enjoyable if I didn't take the time to have these 'friends'. It seems people automatically are willing to choose to  believe bad things about me, based on what other people say, never speaking to me.

I find myself very hesitant to become close to people, especially people who claim to be Christian. Sadly, I often find more comfort and compassion from the unsaved. Honestly, sometimes I wish that I didn't care about anyone. That my heart wouldn't instantly open up and take people in. That I wouldn't love deeply. That I wouldn't get close to anyone.

I'm tired of my heart and spirit hurting. I need freedom. I want to strive to have a heart like Jesus'. Jesus who said -

"Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for a friend."

Deep down I don't want to care less, and I still want to have close and meaningful relationships, I want to be willing to "lay down my life for a friend", but after crying so many tears and bearing so many hurts, it gets hard to remember that. I know friends are needed in life, and I have a very few true friends and for them I am so grateful.

This is in not a cry for attention. All this is, is me attempting to let things out, let go of things, maybe moving towards healing.

Matters of the heart.

So, this post is going to be completely different than the previous two. But, it's my blog...so I'm allowed. :D

I just wanted to share a little bit of what's been going on with me in my Spirit and my heart. The first posts I did on hear were really me preaching to me. Our Pastor often tells us that the sermons he preaches are for himself just as much if not more than us.

Lately I've been feeling kinda defeated. Kind of like I'm going no where. I have these dreams and aspirations of things that I really want to do with my life, but I just don't know where or how to start or if they're even worthy. For example, I really, REALLY want to do something with music. Maybe make an album. But where do you start? I'm not looking to 'be discovered' or anything. I really just want to get our music out there, and maybe be able to help someone through it. But then I ask is the music we've written good enough? Is it crap? Do people say it's good just to be nice? I know I'm not awesome at music, but I have a passion for it and I really feel God's calling for us in that area. So, where God guides He provides. I lead worship at my Church House, but sometimes I wonder if I'm even doing that right.

It's like I'm content in my life but I'm still striving for more. I have a hunger for something greater. Is that bad? I am so thankful for what I have right in this moment, but I am still looking forward to the day when we've reached the greater. I may or may not be making any sense right now, but if you're reading this you probably already know me and know that I do that often. lol Like, Matt and I are so grateful for the place we have to live right now, but man are we looking forward to having a house! A kitchen where more than one person can be in at a time and the ability to open windows and let the air in! Ah, the joy of window opening!!

And then there is the ever present "will we ever have a baby?" question. I do not base my happiness and fulfillment upon having children or not, but, I would be lying if I said I don't desire to be a Mommy. I see my friends having babies and I rejoice for them, but inside there is always this little tinge of wishful thinking that it was me. I know that God's plans are greater and better than mine, so hold on I shall. And even if Matt and I are never blessed with our own children, that's okay. God loves us and desires only what is best for us and He's a lot smarter than we are!

So much has been going through my mind lately so forgive me if I just rambled on. I just really want to thrive.

Fighting the good fight.

Find it hard to be a Christian sometimes? Just wish you could let go and let your sinful nature take rule? To be completely honest, I've felt this way before...on several occasions too.

I think people often forget that Christians are human. That sometimes we want revenge. Sometimes we want to see people hurt like like they hurt us. Sometimes we don't want the best for people. Sometimes we want to see them suffer. 

Just because we are Christians doesn't mean that automatically all the desires of the flesh just  disappear! No, it's a fight. It's hard work. When someone hurts you, I mean really hurts you, it's hard at times to react in love. A lot of times our first reaction is to hurt them back...but to hurt them much worse. Those are characters of the flesh, things that come naturally to us and we, as Christians, have to work hard to overcome them and on our own, it's just not possible.

Jesus says we are to love our enemies. To pray for those who hurt us. To forgive. 

Forgiving is hard. We want to hold on to our grudges. We want to put them in jars and set them on the shelf and show everyone "See! See! This is how you hurt me. This is what you did to me." And the thought of forgiving someone sometimes makes us feel as though we are letting them get away with what they did. Like, if we don't forgive them then they would really be miserable and maybe hurt like they hurt us. But the truth is, the only person we hurt by not forgiving is ourselves. 

Jesus says to forgive as He has forgiven us and that if we don't forgive others then our Father wont forgive us. 

I've heard it said "I just can't forgive. This is too big. Too deep. Too hurtful" I'm here to tell you that no matter the hurt, no matter how deep the wound, no matter how hard the fall, forgiveness is something you CAN do. Why? Because Jesus would never, NEVER tell us to do something that isn't possible for us to achieve.

Can you do it alone? No. You need God's help. Will it happen instantly? Probably not. Does it mean you'll forget what happened? Nope. Will the pain go away instantly? Not always. But, when you forgive it's like you're cutting the chains that have been holding you down and you stand up and get back up. You're now free and now God can move in your life like never before. There is no unforgiveness taking up the space in your life so that leaves more room for God, more room for His healing love.

You know the Bible refers to our Christian life as a battle - 'fighting the good fight of faith. - So keep on fighting today and in Christ and in Him alone, victory is found. You can win.

Maybe...

Ever been at that place where you start to believe all the bad things people say about you? That maybe you are that horrible. Maybe you are fake. Maybe you only care about yourself. Maybe you are worthless. Maybe everyone would be better without you. Maybe....

If you're there I know how you feel, I so know how you feel.

All the bad things people say about us can really have an affect on us, even if they aren't true and we know it....well, especially if they aren't true. What people think about us often times really influences what we think about ourselves. We care about the opinions of other people and so many times we will try and change who we are to make others happy. Why do we do this? We want to be liked, loved, accepted and wanted. Every human craves those things and we search for them among other people when really where we should be looking is to Jesus.

I recently watched a show and they said something that really struck me -

"God made us and when we know what He thinks of us and how He sees us it doesn't matter what anyone else says."

Do you know what God thinks of you? He thinks you're beautiful, precious, a priceless treasure worth more than life.

But sometimes still with the knowledge of what God thinks about us, we find ourselves falling back into the trap of letting what others think about us affect what we think about us. That's when we really need to remember that the only opinion that matters is God's. He loves you for you. Not for what others say you are, but for what He knows you are.  He loves you no matter what.